My Dog Sadie (part 3)

About a week ago, after I had put the kids to bed, I took a blanket out and laid beside Sadie. I stared up at the stars and caressed her soft ears. It occurred to me that her ears felt as soft that night as the first time I touched them although the rest of her coat had become rough and coarse from age and outdoor life. I laid out side with her for a long time thinking about all of the things I have already written about in my last two posts.
I was sad though. Sadie was sick. I had noticed that she had been losing weight and she had also developed a limp in her front leg. I had attributed all of this to age. She was 11 now. (77 in dog years)
When Sadie was no longer using her front leg, I decided to take her to the vet. The doctor's first thought was that Sadie's leg was broken. They took her for x-rays and I sat in the exam room feeling like a terrible pet owner for letting this go on for almost two weeks before bringing her in.
When the vet came back to talk to me I began to wish that Sadie's leg was broken. But it wasn't. Sadie has what the doctor thought was a fungal infection - blastonycoses. The blasto (as the vet called it) had given Sadie a high fever, attacked her joints (especially that front leg) and infiltrated her lungs. The vet explained to me what a terrible disease this was. There weren't any drugs that worked well to treat it. In fact I'd have to go to a "people pharmacy" to get her medication. I have worked in the medical profession long enough to read between the lines. The vet was trying to tell me that my dog was probably going to die. I teared up as I looked down at Sadie but pulled myself together before looking up at the vet again.
I'm glad I spent that evening outside with Sadie. Because today I had to dig my first grave, a Sadie sized grave. It was the thing I had feared for 11 years, the death of my first, most beloved, dog.
It was therapeutic for me to prepare her resting place. I cried while I dug it. I dug that grave with determination and care. It was the last thing I was going to be able to do for my Sadie and I wanted to do it well.
I let my mind run through every moment I could remember with her, from catching snowballs in her mouth to hiking trips to visits to the dog park. Sadie had been a spectacular dog. I believe she cared for me as much as I cared for her. This dog had laid in bed with me while I suffered through the grief process with my first miscarriage. Sadie had been my closest companion while Rex was at war in Iraq. She had been my driving buddy on long trips from Florida or North Carolina to Home. More than once we had gone through Taco Bell's drive thru and shared a chicken quesadilla. She was always there for me. Had I been for her? She gave me much joy and loved me unconditionally. I doubt I will ever have a dog mean so much to me as Sadie did.
The eternal optimist in me never gave up. I bought the ungodly, over priced medicine she needed. I gave it to her faithfully day after day. After two days on the medicine, she stopped eating. So, I diligently forced her to eat bits of meat and cheese. Then she began refusing to swallow these foods that I would give her. I consulted the vet and got medicines to help her appetite. Still she didn't want to eat. She was getting so thin. But still her eyes were bright. I kept on with her medicines and spent a little extra time with her trying to make her feel loved. Her leg was getting better but she was very weak. Two days ago I noticed her eyes looking sad, tired.
So, I wasn't shocked when I found her on this bright, beautiful April 15th morning. I wasn't shocked but I knelt by her and cried as I rubbed her soft little ears. All I could manage to say was "Sadie, oh my Sadie girl".
I cry now, even as I type this. It doesn't matter that I am a grown woman with children of her own. I am sad. I loved Sadie like she was a little person. I will miss her and think of her often. She was only here a short time but she made a big difference in my life.
She sleeps now under the little poplar tree closest to my house. A newly planted peony is there beside her to remind me every spring of my first dog, (the best dog ever), Sadie.